BRAYN-ded

Brain-dead: adj. The state of being unable to think coherently. Commonly occurs following nine hours of school, half of which is conducted in a language foreign to one’s own. Syn: mute, idiotic, useless. Example: see Leigh.

I do well in my four-hour language classes. Well, relatively speaking, anyway. And that’s even following several hours of technical training. Pronunciation? No problem. Context? It’s getting there. Vocabulary? Meh. My teachers seem decently impressed enough. I’m a good mimicker. I listen to what they say and parrot it back to them correctly on a regular basis, occasionally adding a more advanced nuance or variation here and there as I think of one. Pretty smooth sailing.

Then I go home.

Somewhere between the door of the classroom and home, somewhere in that brief 15-minute walk, my brain says, “okee doke, that’s it. I’m done. See ya tomorrow.” I arrive home to a cheerful, sociable family and turn into an imbecile. I mean, it’s bad. They can ask me the simplest things, and if I understand the context (Yemek? Oh, mealtime?) and my brain hasn’t shut down completely, I can maybe form a correct response. Usually, though, I just smile and nod and head for the table. I nod yes when they ask if I’m tired; I can’t even remember enough to say the word, “ha.” I mean, it’s just pathetic. I feel like a moron, and I’m sure they have sincere doubts I’ll EVER make it in Azerbaijan. There are times I’m tempted to agree with their assessment, but I know better. I know that eventually it will click. I KNOW it will. It HAS to. I can’t go on being an idiot forever.