As the world turns

It’s still winter, according to the calendar. We had a bitter cold snap across the entire country a few weeks ago. I recognize that, as compared to what the US has been through in early 2014, ours was negligible, and I am sorry for all of my friends and family in America. Many of my friends here in Azerbaijan had it much worse than I. Many volunteers were without running water for two or more weeks because the water going to their town or village froze solid. Some were reportedly melting snow to use for household chores. Many postponed bathing. Postponing bathing in the winter here isn’t all that unusual, to tell the truth. When there’s no central heating or insulation and you can see your breath inside your house, it’s actually understandable. I’ve heard tales of volunteers hiding out in their sleeping bags for most of the colder months. Hibernating, if you will.

But spring is coming to Azerbaijan. Days are getting longer, snow and ice melting, ground softening, all the usual signs. Yesterday I was happy to spend the entire day outside with sunshine and temps in the mid-teens (mid-50s to you Americans). Yesterday I started my first real project and it’s a wonderful thing. Yes, I think it’s actually a wonderful project full of potential and sustainability, but it’s also wonderful because of what it’s doing for my mental state.

I’ve found the past few months to be a bit challenging mentally. Struggling with the language, struggling with integrating into the community, struggling at work, it has all been just a bit much at times. I knew coming into the Peace Corps that life would be a struggle. I felt ready for it. What I didn’t count on was struggling with literally every part of my life all at once. The afore-mentioned language, integration and work issues. Financial issues. Loneliness and isolation. Feeling useless. Feeling ineffective. Wondering about my sanity. Wondering if I can stick it out, if I can suck it up and continue to live overseas beyond the Peace Corps. Wondering what the heck I’m going to DO after the Peace Corps. EVERYTHING.

Coping mechanisms have included telephone calls to friends I’ve made in the Peace Corps (because they will always be able to understand). I’ve been exercising. Cooking. Retreating into my e-Reader and the internet and binge-watching TV programs. Thinking up possible projects and fleshing them out on paper. Having other volunteers come to visit. All of these things helped, all of these things have contributed to the fact that I am still here. One other factor which is in my favor is my age, because only someone who has lived many years truly understands that, with time, things change, and if things are crappy now, they’re bound to improve soon…it’s just a matter of patience until that happens.

So things have started to change for me as winter is coming to an end. I have been trying for much of the past year to reconcile what I thought I wanted to do in the Peace Corps with what my assignment was. When I applied, I envisioned myself in rolled-up khakis or a sarong, working in a garden with drip irrigation, maybe doing a little animal husbandry. My assignment, though, turned out to include regular business attire and working in an office environment, and the closest I've come to animal husbandry is feeding the feral cat I found parked on my doormat for about two weeks. However, as any volunteer will tell you, your service is what you make of it, and to make it your own. I think I figured out a way to do that. My first real project is going to involve gardening for my organization. I get to dig in the dirt and smell tomato plants in the hot sunshine, all the while working on Peace Corps’ Goal #2: introducing those in your community to a bit of American culture.

They’ve already become (mostly) adjusted to my buzz hairstyle. Let’s see how they handle khakis.